Friday, July 20, 2007

Love and Friendship

I have heard people preaching "be the best friend of the person you love, or let him/her be the best friend of yours. You should be able to share everything with the person you love, you should be able to support each other in difficult situations, should be able to tell each other each and everything, and most importantly should not keep any secrets from each other".

Well, of all things I have realized till today, you cannot be the best friend of the person you love, or rather, you can not love your best friend. Sure, lovers can be friends to certain extent, but they can never even be good friends, leave aside being the best friend in that matter. And that is the very reason why the word love is used.

Now, for people who are fuming or deciding to mark this post as a total bullshit, this is the reason why I decided to write on this. Here is my logic behind a statement that I know perhaps 9 out of 10 people will oppose. I don't claim this will change your views, but will surely give you something to think about, something to reconsider the so called fact that "lovers are the best of friends".

Well, a best friend, or rather a friend is one to whom you can confide each of your secrets in, you can talk about all that you have done or have been a witness too, be it good or bad, fair or foul. In a friend, you do not fear being judged. In a friend, you need not think about what you say, because you know that whatever happens, a friendship, or rather a true one, can always be mended. Because you know, there exists no words or deeds in this world that can permanently ruin a friendship. All a friend can give you is total freedom, total independence to express all you want to say, all you want to do. Most importantly, you can talk about your crush, you can talk about the hot gals or dashing guys that you probably came across the last time you went shopping in a mall.

For Lovers, in reality, stuff like "do not keep secrets from each other" is only another saying, perhaps an unpronounced commandment of the bible, but is never ever practiced in real life. No one on earth could swear that he or she is totally clean to his/her lover. As a matter of fact, secrecy is the essence of a committed relationship. It is the suspense, the excitement of exploring the other person, that keeps a loving relation alive. A lover is one you could confide your pains in, a lover is one, from whom you can expect support and cooperation in all stages, all aspects of life. A lover is one who helps you through difficult situations. But then, a Lover is not the person you can say absolutely anything to. Can you expect saying your girlfriend or boyfriend that you really liked a gal or a guy you came across yesterday, that you thought she was very beautiful or he looked like Brad Pitt! Perhaps, nothing much would happen, but most of the people would not even dare to! Again, you would have to think twice before confiding your secrets in your lover, because there you have the fear of being judged, there you fear that he/she might leave you, after failing to accept the "not so bright" sides of yours.

Thus, you can only try to be a friend of the person you love, but I do not think its possible to develop a similar relation you have with your other friends. Also, its very difficult to fall in love with a very good friend of yours. For the darker sides of a friend might not bother you as long as you are just friends, but might be of concern when you try to take your relation to a next level, the level called Love.

LOVE IS GOD - प्रेम ईश्वर है।


tanha kavi said...

well written. I think, the issue which u arose ,needs to be discussed by all the people who worship love. There is a concealed bar between love and friendship.But I think if ur best frnd( boy/girl frnd, condition applied) becomes ur lover and his/her attitude doesn't enforce u to change then that unseen bar may disappear. Otherwise , u know, u have written what could happen.
I appreciate ur views and am waiting for others to write something.
Good luck.

The Lad said...

Couldnt agree with you more. What you have said is just the Truth man..
And the best thing which hit me was when you say " there exists no deeds or words that can permanently ruin a friendship"

गिरिराज जोशी "कविराज" said...

Well, a best friend, or rather a friend is one to whom you can confide each of your secrets in, you can talk about all that you have done or have been a witness too, be it good or bad, fair or foul.

बिलकुल सही।

you can only try to be a friend of the person you love, but I do not think its possible to develop a similar relation you have with your other friends.

समय आने पर कोशिश करके देखा जायेगा, मुश्किल हो सकता है मगर असंभव तो नहीं दिखता।

अच्छा लिखा है, बधाई!

Sanjeet Tripathi said...

हिन्दी में लिखते तो मैं भी थोड़ा बहुत समझ जाता भैय्या!!

the dark knight said...

sorry man, but ur arguments didnt strike any chord with me . and if u think love can be ruined while friendship cant be , then i wonder what kind of love it is supposed to be [:)]. But as u say, it is just a viewpoint ... after all. maybe even love is a viewpoint !!!

निखिल आनन्द गिरि said...

well-experienced article, i must say........well, its the first comment on ur blog (from my side), so, nothing critical about LOVE......anyway, u have a command over association of words.....
nikhil aanand giri

हरिमोहन सिंह said...

अपने चिठठे पर टिपकने का स्‍वागत । पर अपुन को लिखना नहीं आता बस पढने का शौक है । लिखना आता तो अपुन कभी फेल हुआ होता न न पढाई में नहीं , उसमें जिसमें इक पत्र लिखा जाता है आसमान के तारे तोडे जाते है । चॉंदनी रात में मच्‍छर काटते है

satyendra... said...

guru ye kavita vabita to samajh me nahi aati, pyar mhabbat ki baat thee isliye thoda bujh raha hoon.Waise to pyar milta nahi hai , blog ki kavita me mil gaya.

tanha kavi said...

@हरिमोहन जी एवं सत्येंन्द्र जी
प्रेमाश्रम एक ऎसा ब्लाग या कहिए मंच है , जहाँ प्यार-मोहब्बत की बातें होती है। यहाँ भाषा अवरोध नहीं बनती। मैं "राहुल जी" का एक मित्र एवं प्रेमाश्रम का एक सदस्य होने के नाते आपसे आग्रह करता हूँ कि आप जो भी टिप्पणी करें , विषयानुकूल करें। मुझे यह ज्ञात नहीं है और ना हीं यह जानना चाहता हूँ कि आप अपनी टिप्पणी के माध्यम से क्या कहना चाहते हैं , लेकिन इतना जानता हूँ और आपसे भी जानने की उम्मीद करता हूँ कि किसी उभरते हुए लेखक को ह्तोत्साहित करना बुरी बात है।
बाकी मित्रों से भी यह कहना चाहता हूँ कि कुछ भी टिप्पणि करने से पहले रचना के रचनाकार के नाम से अवगत जरूर हों लें। किसी दूसरे का नाम लिखने से लेखक हताश होता है।
दिल आहत हुआ है , इसलिए कहने चला आया। बाकी अगर आप समझ लें तो बरी मेहरबानी होगी।

-विश्व दीपक 'तन्हा'

JASHODA said...

You are absolutely right, like you have said in practical generic plain words.
I would say that love can never be a permanent stable water. It used to be a troubled water. You have your crest and tough all the times.
If you have reached the crest of being too much in love then you have to come down automatically. You donot have to do anything, it may happen with small disaggrement and the crest of love has to come down by its own, and the cylce of love continues .... as long as something big mesh up happens. because every relationship has an ending. Mind it if you have enter a relationship then thats not love that is a step ahead, may be I pronounce a commitment in small or large duration